


I'll Never Tell

by cordeliadelayne



Category: Primeval, Spooks | MI-5
Genre: Anal Sex, Crossover, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Secrets, Sex, Spies & Secret Agents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-27
Updated: 2016-09-27
Packaged: 2018-08-17 12:41:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8144422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cordeliadelayne/pseuds/cordeliadelayne
Summary: Whoever said relationships should be based on honesty, never dated a spy.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fififolle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fififolle/gifts).



> Written for fififolle who gave the prompt “secrets”. 
> 
> Originally posted to Livejournal in 2011.

Secrets were a spy's bread and butter, the lifeblood that flowed through their veins and kept them going. It was a form of protection for them as much as for their country.

And it was killing him.

The weight of lying all the time pressed against Dimitri when he slept, pushing him closer to Ryan in his sleepless search for comfort, but further away in terms of sharing his true self. His body was apparently fair game, even if nothing else was.

It wasn't as if Dimitri hated his job – far from it. Sometimes the adrenaline rush was the only sure fire way he could tell that he was alive, fucked up as that may be. But the true price of the job was proving something of a surprise.

As were the perks, he had to admit, as he twisted on to his side to better appreciate Captain Ryan's profile. He'd never have imagined that one anti-terrorism seminar would have lead to something approximating a relationship. But here they were, six months down the line and still not bored of each other, which going by Dimitri's past at least was tantamount to a minor miracle.

“And here I was assuming spooks were too busy shooting things to think.”

Dimitri rolled his eyes and lightly punched Ryan on the arm. “Says the Special Ops soldier.”

Ryan shrugged, and looked up at Dimitri. “I tell it like I see it. And you,” Ryan punctuated the word by grabbing Dimitri's arm and pulling Dimitri on top of him, “are doing that thinking thing I've warned you about.”

Dimitri tried to smile, but there wasn't much warmth in it. “Thinking's good for the soul.”

Ryan sighed. “You're really not in the mood are you?”

Dimitri shook his head and moved to sit up, leaning back against the headboard. “I just – too much on my mind today.”

“You want to talk about it?” Ryan offered, shifting up onto one elbow. He knew there'd be no chance of either of them getting any sleep tonight.

“Yes. But I can't. You know that.”

“So tell me without telling me,” Ryan said.

Dimitri looked at him from the comer of his eye and then stared straight ahead. “When I was a little boy,” he said, voice hard and determined, “I had a best friend. We would do everything together. Play and go to school, bunk off classes and get in trouble together. Go for tea at each other's houses. And then one day he did something so unforgivable that everything we'd ever done together was irretrievably tainted by that one memory, cancelling out all others. Even knowing why he did that thing, even understanding in a way why he did that thing, it can't erase the hollow feeling I get in my chest, every time I think about it. And every time that I know I won't think about him. That I'll forget what he did till I'm face to face with it, that there are pieces that don't fit and which I'm never going to be able to make fit.”

Ryan planted a kiss on Dimitri's shoulder.

“So this is about Lucas North?”

Dimitri tired hard not to flinch at Lucas' name. “How do you know about that?”

Ryan shrugged. “I hear things.” He paused and looked down at his hands. “Besides, I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“So you were spying on me?” Dimitri looked more amused than annoyed, and Ryan’s eyes narrowed in suspicion.

“You knew?”

It was Dimitri's turn to shrug. “You might be good at chasing dinosaurs, but following humans? Not so much.”

Dimitri smiled, a genuine smile this time, and Ryan kissed him, hard and desperate, wanting to capture the feel of Dimitri's' smile against his lips. He'd never thought he'd feel this way about someone again, and Ryan wasn't going to let him became a shadow of himself.

“So we all have secrets,” Ryan said, flipping Dimitri underneath him. “Doesn't have to mean anything.”

“Tom,” Dimitri started, but Ryan silenced him by rocking back onto his ankles to better straddle Dimitri and then rubbing up against the other man's cock, delighting in the way Dimitri had to bite his bottom lip to stop himself from crying out.

“I can't tell you everything,” Ryan said, matching his words to his thrusts, which Dimitri was eagerly returning, “and you can't tell me everything. As long as we both know that...”

“I'm going to...” Dimitri panted, coming before he'd even finished his warning. Ryan just grinned smugly and used Dimitri's come as lube, scissoring the other man open.

“You're going to be doing that a lot today,” Ryan said with a grin. “Might want to get used to it.”

Dimitri muttered something that sounded a little like “you bastard”, but Ryan was too preoccupied staring at his fingers as they disappeared inside Dimitri to really pay any proper attention.

Dimitri's eyes closed and he bucked up as much as he was able, trying to encourage Ryan's fingers.

“Patience,” Ryan scolded, holding perfectly still.

“Bloody move,” Dimitri panted. He reached over to the bed side table and grabbed a condom packet, opening it with his teeth and practically throwing the condom at Ryan. With a roll of his eyes Ryan removed his fingers and began to prepare himself.

“Thought you guys were used to waiting for what you wanted?”

Dimitri's glare would have broken a lesser man. “I've already got what I wanted. Now I’m waiting for the encore.”

“Oh?” Ryan laughed, rocking back on his heels, “is that so?”

Before Dimitri could say another word Ryan was pressing into him, stretching him just enough that Dimitri's breath rushed from him and all he could do was moan as Ryan started to move, faster and harder. The room was silent then, apart from the noise of flesh against flesh as Dimitri and Ryan pulled and pushed at each other, Ryan lapping at Dimitri's neck whenever he thrust forward, and Dimitri scratching at Ryan's back, urging him further and deeper until he couldn't tell where one stopped and the other began.

Dimitri came first with a low whine in the back of his throat. Ryan collapsed atop of him soon after. They lay, panting, until Dimitri pushed at Ryan and he moved over to the side, their legs still entwined.

“We get to keep our secrets, then?” Dimitri said, voice flat.

Ryan stroked a finger down Dimitri's chest. “We have no choice.”

Dimitri nodded and pressed himself closer to Ryan. He knew what he was signing up for when he joined MI5, and he hadn't gone into this – thing – with Ryan blind either. Who said you needed to be completely honest in relationships anyway? He trusted Ryan with his life and his heart. That was far more than he could ever ask of anyone else.

He just hoped there never a came a time when one secret proved too many.


End file.
